Homesick.

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I guess I always tend to get a little homesick during the holiday season. I haven’t lived at home for some time now, but where I live now is a particularly hostile environment. I already have an anxiety disorder, and sometimes (like today) the tension in my house becomes so overwhelming I can’t do anything at all. It’s like I freeze, entirely. My heart feels heavy, my head races–but who knows to what subjects… And I can’t move. It makes my muscles ache and my head ache… It’s entirely overwhelming. There are things I need to take care of today before it gets to late, and it’s like I’m too scared to even leave my room to tend to them. It makes me so restless, but at the same time I’m frozen in place. Maybe it’s almost time for me to go back home, but I don’t want to do that. I like being out on my own, even if I share my home with someone that makes me feel this way. I don’t know what to do, at this point. So, as usual, I find myself doing nothing, and waiting.

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